It's been more than a year since my pet parrot Beagles died. I've got the chance to talk about it in an email sent to my cousin Brenda. I'm posting it here for posterity.

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Brenda, hello!
 
That photo story brought tears to my eyes.
 
I've had a blue-fronted Amazon parrot that died in March 2008 practically in my arms. Her name was Beagles.
 
There was no plan to buy another bird when I went to a pet shop in 2002 to buy some bird feed for Kio, my African Grey parrot. Several birds were on display in their cages. For some quirk of fate Beagles simply caught my attention. So I lingered beside her cage and just stood there watching her. And you know what? She came close to me and reached out for my fingers. That was very unusual for a bird to do to a stranger. Beagles kept on getting my attention the entire time I was in the pet shop. I just couldn't leave without her so I impulsively took her home. At a hefty price of course.
 
She was only about 5 months old when I got her. Beagles became very, very close to me. She trusted me completely right from the start. She was always by my side whenever I was home. The moment I got out of her sight she would come flying to me. It  became her habit to perch on my shoulder. So I walked around the apartment with Beagles usually riding on my shoulder. Kio never does this. (Beagles and Kio fly freely inside the house whenever I'm around.)
 
The weekend (Friday is the weekend in the Middle East) before she died, she kept glued to my shoulder and was unusually quiet. When I was about to take a nap that Friday afternoon, she refused to go back to her cage. I dozed off and when I woke up I found her sleeping by my shoulder. She stayed there with me while I was asleep. She opened her eyes when I kissed her. I knew then that she wasn't feeling well.
 
She died Monday night. When I got home that night I greeted Beagles and Kio as usual and took them out of their cage. Beagles reached for my fingers and climbed up to my shoulder. But she remained very quiet. While she was perched on top of the book shelves, I suddenly felt the urge to take photographs of her. I didn't know what got me.

I put her food bowl on top of the book shelf so that she didn't have to go back to her cage to eat. For some strange reason while I was clicking away with my camera, she shrieked as if frightened then flew right straight to the wall. She slammed into the wall and fell with a big thud. I rushed to her. When I lifted her up she remained motionless. I frantically stroke her head while calling out her name. After a minute or two, Beagles gave out a sound, the loudest sound she could muster then slumped dead in the palm of my hand. I wanted to revive her by continuously stroking her chest while calling out her name repeatedly.

How I wanted to rush her to the veterinarian but I knew it wasn't the right thing to do. That was the time of the bird flu epidemic in Riyadh. All chickens and birds were culled by the government. Pet shops were emptied. No flying creatures were allowed in public.

I carefully wrapped Beagles in a white cotton shirt then got out of the room to Kio's cage. Kio was almost cage-bound as he rarely stayed away from his cage. I showed the dead body of Beagles to Kio. Kio stared at Beagles. I said: "Beagles no more... Beagles, no more... ". I wanted to make sure that Kio get to fully realize that Beagles was dead. I could sense Kio's discomfort when he looked at the lifeless body of Beagles Kio kept on saying: "Beagles... Beagles...  Beagles" as if he wanted to wake her up. By the sound of Kio's voice I knew that he had fully grasped the situation.

I put the dead body of Beagles in a Merrel shoe box. For a time I played with the idea of putting Beagles in the freezer so that I could send her to a taxidermist later. For fear of the bird flu, I decided against it.

It was 11:00 PM when this happened. I wish I could have gone to the desert to bury Beagles there. But the danger of going out at midnight overruled everything. I didn't have any recourse but to put the shoe box in the garbage bin at the basement of my apartment building. I could have thrown the shoe box down the garbage chute from my floor but I couldn't get myself to do it.

It was dark in the basement and nobody else was there except me and Beagles. I found my way to the garbage bin and carefully chose the spot where to lay down the shoe box. I hugged the box one last time and said a prayer for Beagles. I wiped my tears then walked out of the basement while staring back at the garbage bin.

I was so distraught that night that I wanted somebody to console with me. I felt very weak as if my body was collapsing. I called up Auntie Estef right away. I told Auntie Estef that my parrot had just died. It's the parrot she hears over the phone screaming. Yes, Beagles got jealous when my attention was on something else. So every time I'm on the phone with Auntie Estef, she would most likely hear Beagles screaming in the background.

Until now it really pains me whenever I recall that garbage scene. How could have I let the body of Beagles be thrown away into a garbage dump?! And until now I still say "I’m sorry, Beagles" for having done such an unthinkable thing to my beloved pet.

For several weeks after her death Kio would say: "Beagles, where are you?" Then I would come near him and say "Beagles, no more... Beagles, no more".

Beagles was a very active bird. She would go scavenging for anything to chew. So whenever Beagles got out of my sight I called her out with "Beagles, where are you?". Kio would join the fray each time I called out for Beagles. Kio would eagerly blurt out: "Beagles, where are you?" after me.

Kio is a very intelligent bird. He talks very clearly in a humanly voice. People were always surprised finding out it was a bird talking. It came to a point when Kio stopped saying "Beagles, where are you?". Instead, Kio would blurt out: "Beagles, no more... no more!"

Then Kio stopped asking for Beagles after 4 to 5 months. He must have gotten used to not seeing Beagles around. Then this year he mentioned Beagles twice. The first time was in March just before Beagles' death anniversary. Kio said: "Beagles, where are you?" I said: "Beagles, no more... do you miss Beagles?" I picked up Kio and gave him a kiss all the while imagining that I was also giving Beagles a kiss.

I don't think I would be able to find another bird like Beagles. I didn't have to tame her. She bonded with me straight away. She even insisted on eating with me on the same plate. When she gets more naughty than usual, I would get upset. But instead of flying away when she senses my anger, she would come flying to me. That always made my heart melt.

Beagles and Kio have taught me how to be patient and how to communicate with creatures other than human. And it was Beagles who taught Kio how to fly. Kio wasn't very eager to fly... I think he was scared doing it. There's so much reluctance in his movement whenever I coaxed him to fly. It's a welcome relief that Kio has completely gained confidence and is now flying freely inside the house as a bird should.

Kio grew closer to me day after day after Beagles was gone. He now loves being cuddled in the morning and is always asking for a head scratch. When I'm home, he flies around the house and he's not limiting his space around his cage anymore.

There are times when Kio would sing "Happy Birthday" with mumbled words - the way Beagles sang it. Beagles loved to sing but never got to say the words properly. Beagles was not a good talker but she compensated for it by being so loving.

I'm very sure that birds have the same emotions as humans. I could sense when Kio and Beagles were happy, or not in a good mood, or when they were excited. They are very capable of giving love. And I should say that my pet parrots are very intelligent beings!

Hope you had a Happy Easter.

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Each day brings a new discovery. My pet parrot, Kio, serves as my window to the unknown world of non-humans. Definitely possesses emotions comparable to humans. Kio is more human than some people roaming this planet, I should say :-)

A very independent bird with an intelligence that baffles me sometimes. I treat Kio with an open mind and open heart. Takes tons and tons of patience to live with a parrot.

See the full gallery on Posterous

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I have another parrot, an African Grey. His name is Kio. Although Beagles and Kio were not very close to each other, they get along fine.

This morning, Kio said: “Beagles! Beagles… where are you?”

I came to Kio, I said: “No more. Beagles is gone. Beagles is dead.” My voice cracked. Kio was staring back at me and he saw my tears falling. I walked away… “Beagles… no more”.

Kio understands “No more”.

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Beagles was a friend, a companion, a very dear playmate, and more. She died in my arms last night, 17 March 2008 at 9:30 pm.

I came home late, around 9:00 pm. The moment I opened the door to my apartment, I greeted her.

“Hello, Beagles, how are you? How’s my pet?”. I opened the door of her cage, reached for her with my right hand. She held my fingers, and gave her a kiss.

Beagles is a blue-fronted amazon parrot. She’s a severe loss to me. I feel so awful right now.

I’ll talk about what had happened later.

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